At St. Bernard, Etiquette 101
Middle school students taught ins and outs of good manners
By Eileen McNamara

Montville - In an era of Ipods, bare all reality shows, “ultra” low-cut jeans and cell phones, etiquette instructor Marissa Mills knows well the trials of teaching kids good manners.

In fact, Mills makes it a point to let kids know that while they live in a culture of crudeness, etiquette — the knowledge and use of basic good manners — can help them transcend that pervasive tackiness.

“The youth of today are in a culture where manners and etiquette are obsolete,” Mills said Wednesday during a presentation to middle school students at St. Bernard Academy.

“You have had the misfortune of growing up in a culture that says being disrespectful is OK,” she said. “Yet, 85 percent of a young college graduate's success is based on their social skills; that is, their etiquette. Etiquette is how you treat one another. Etiquette is common sense.”

The academy, the middle school housed at St. Bernard High School, invited Mills to speak to the middle-schoolers during Catholic Schools Week. She is a certified etiquette instructor, and with this year's Catholic Schools Week theme focusing on character, compassion and values, St. Bernard's leaders said they thought it was fitting to have someone speak to middle school students on the importance of good manners.

The 50 or so students in grades 6 and 7 who gathered in the school's auditorium Wednesday morning fidgeted or slouched in their seats during Mills' initial overview of the history of manners. They giggled as anachronistic images of etiquette books from the 1950s and 1960s flashed on a projection screen and cheered at the visages of the characters from “The Simpsons” television show. Their interest in good manners perked up noticeably, however, at the enticement of interactive role-playing and the small prizes that would come with it.

Etiquette, Mills told the students, goes well beyond the simple courtesies of saying “please” and “thank you.” Good manners, she explained, form the foundation of a civilized society. Learning etiquette, she added, promotes kindness and respect for others, develops good citizenship and is essential for leaders.

She demonstrated the proper way to shake hands, how to introduce oneself and others to adults and the importance of smiling and looking someone directly in the eye when speaking. She explained the fundamentals of telephone etiquette and how to properly issue party invitations.

Responding to others with phrases like “shut up,” “talk to the hand,” and “uh-huh,” she added, are just plain bad manners.
Shadeja Nelson, a seventh-grader, initially took a dim view of the presentation.

“When I first came in I thought it was really crazy,” she said. “Then I really liked it. I think it's something I'll definitely use.” “She made it interactive, and I thought that was fun,” said Taylor Raiche, also a seventh-grader.

During role-playing, the students, most of them between the ages of 11 and 13, tried out their newfound skills on one another, shaking hands and making introductions.

Mills said that while many of the students probably won't put such formal skills into practical application for many years, it is important to begin teaching them now.